To See All of You
by sailorstarsun
Summary: A car accident leaves Quatre disabled, causing hardships between him and Trowa. (sweet, sappy shonen-ai warning!)


July 10th, A.C. 199

Dear Journal....

Trowa left to visit Catherine today. It's good that he'll get to see her again, but I'll miss him sooo much. He just left and already I can't wait for him to return; how will I get by these next few weeks?

I wonder if he realizes just how beautiful he is? He never worries about his appearance, but he's naturally... gorgeous. I could spend hours just looking at his beautiful eyes and perfect face. I think that's a big part of why I'll miss him so much, and it's why I decided to do a portrait of him. That way I'll always be able to look at him.

As he pulled away today, I found myself worrying. What would happen if something prevented me from seeing him? What would I do if I wasn't able to gaze at those handsome features? Not that I'm worried about him leaving me! I just....

Well, there's no use dwelling on it. He'll always be by my side, so why stress over 'what ifs'?

I'll keep this entry short today; I want to get started on that painting. So, in the words of a great man, "no time to sit and chit-chat, I've got lots of work to do."

-Quatre Raberba Winner

****

To See All of You

Soothing sounds of classical violin music drifted throughout a large room, accompanied by the soft scent of exotic incense. The room itself was brightly lit; the light colored drapes pulled back from the huge windows to allow the sun to pour through and coat everything it touched with its warmth and light. Off to the side, a brass easel stood, holding up a canvas that was periodically splashed with vivid colors. Behind the easel sat a figure, seemingly small compared to the size of the room, applying the colors with the utmost of care and love.

Quatre Raberba Winner hummed softly with the music as he made a few more precise strokes with the wide paintbrush, then leaned back and took the whole picture in. "Looks good," he said to himself, then sighed. "But it's far from finished." The brush was again dipped into a brown colored paint and swept across the canvas.

"Do I really look like that?"

The blond jumped a mile into the air with a yell when the deep voice came unexpectedly. Clutching his chest and panting slightly, he turned to the intruder, knowing exactly who it was. "Trowa!"

"Hello there."

"Are you trying to kill me!? I almost had a heart attack!"

Kneeling down, the green-eyed young man placed his hands on the other's hips and brought his ear down to his chest, listening for the heartbeat. "Hmm.... Sounds fine to me." He looked up to meet bright blue eyes. "I think you'll live."

"Well you almost ruined the picture," Quatre replied, patting his lover on the head in a mock beating. "And what makes you think it's you?"

"Even I admit, it's not exactly a common hair style." He stood, but before he could elaborate he found himself on the floor again, with a little angel on top of him. This angel snuggled into his broad chest, then looked up at him.

"I missed you."

"I called you every night."

"Yeah, but that's different! I missed seeing your face. I'd dream of your beautiful eyes, but then I'd wake up. Mornings are so unsatisfying when I don't get to see you first thing." His light skin turned a slight shade of pink as a new thought came to mind. "I also missed-"

The door burst open and Rashid came running into the room. "Master Quatre, are you alright!? I heard a yell!" He stopped instantly when he saw the position his young leader was in. "Oh... I'm sorry... I shouldn't have barged in..."

"It's alright, Rashid," Quatre smiled. "I'm fine. Just got caught off guard."

"I see." He turned his attention; "It's good to have you back, Master Trowa. How is your sister doing?"

"She's fine, thank you."

The tall Magunac smiled and winked. "That's good to hear." He took his leave, reminding them to call him if they needed anything.

"Now what were you saying?" Trowa brought his attention back to his little love.

"Oh, nothing..."

He smiled his special smile, the one meant only for Quatre. "Don't tell me you're shy."

"Well..."

"You were saying you missed...something else?" He ran his hands slowly down the other boy's back, applying light pressure.

The small blush reappeared over the blond's fair skin as he slowly began to undo the buttons of his partner's shirt. "I want to see you...all of you...."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hurry, Q! Hurry!" Duo bounced up and down in the passenger seat, anxious to see his favorite band live in concert. "Faster! Faster! Come on, step on it!"

Without taking his eyes off the road, Quatre smiled at his eccentric friend. "Calm down," he laughed. "It's not like we're going to be late. We left two and a half hours early as it is." Despite his words, he pressed down on the smooth sports car's gas pedal a little harder, accelerating them to well over the speed limit.

The braided boy stuck his head out the window, hollering into the wind. "Yeee-haawww!"

Three things happened in a rapid succession of events. Quatre laughed and glanced at his friend, then looked back too late to notice a car stalled in front of him. He slammed on the brakes; a loud screeching sound accompanied by the smell of burnt rubber filled the night air. It was no use. When the car collided the sound of shattering glass could be heard, along with a scream that the former pilot didn't know if it belonged to his friend or himself. The last thing Quatre remembered was feeling pieces of windshield cutting into his face before his world went black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It felt as though he was locked in a black room, seeing, hearing, feeling nothing. _'Where am I?'_ It seemed all he could do was think, and even that ability was just coming to him. _'What's going on?'_

"Come back to me, Quatre."

He heard a familiar beautiful voice that seemed so far away, and he reached out with all his soul for it. Slowly, sensation came to him, hearing soft words and feeling his hand being held. The pain could also be felt. He attempted to move his limbs, then groaned when he felt how much it hurt.

"He's waking up." Yes, that voice again.

"T-Trowa?" He tried to open his eyes and look around, but only saw the black darkness.

"Hai. How are you feeling, Little One?"

"I can't see!"

The brown haired boy smiled slightly, even though the other was unable to witness it. "That's because you have bandages on your head."

"Oh... How's Duo?"

"Just like you to worry more about someone else first." Of course, that was one of his favorite Quatre-features; the Winner heir's compassion was unmatched by anyone he knew. "He's fine. Cracked a bone, his arm's in a cast, and there's a few scrapes and bruises. He should be back to his old self soon. Heero's with him now."

"Ah..." Quatre smiled knowingly, "Heero will take good care of him, ne?"

"Heero is the only one who can handle an injured Duo." He moved to sit on the hospital bed next to the blond, still holding his hand gently, yet firmly. "But what about you? Do you hurt anywhere?"

"I hurt _everywhere_."

"Do you want me to kiss it and make it better?"

The patient almost laughed at the utter seriousness in his koibito's voice. But laughing hurt too much, so he kept it at a chuckle. "Maybe when I can move without feeling pain." He reached up with a stiff arm and scratched lightly under the gauze that covered the top half of his face and head, slightly irritated by its presence and his inability to see because of it. "When will this come off?"

"The doctor said in a few days he'll check it. There was a large cut across your face from here," he traced a line over the bandages where the cut was, starting from Quatre's left temple, over his eyebrow and part of the eyelid, across his nose, ending just below the right eye, "to here. We want to make sure it heals properly so it doesn't scar."

"Well, I want it off soon; I want to be able to see you. But for now...." He reached out and felt around for the other. When he came in contact with a muscular arm he smiled warmly and let his hands roam upwards. "...I'll just have to feel you."

His hands touched the angular face and he gently pulled it down to meet his own, starting off with a small, chaste kiss. Then there were more kisses, not so small and chaste. As the kisses increased in intensity, Quatre realized just how worried Trowa _really_ was, despite his calm demeanor, and he thought maybe he should stop things from going further; this was a hospital after all, and the movement hurt his battered body. Oh, but how he wanted it to continue!

The choice was made for him when a slightly nasal voice interrupted. "If you're busy I can come back another time." Trowa let the kiss linger a little longer before slowly backing off and reclaiming his seat next to the bed.

"Heero?" Quatre looked around to the sound of the voice. Or didn't look around, as the case was. "Is that you Heero?"

"Yeah, it's me. I brought you something." He walked to the bed and placed a fuzzy teddy bear in the blonde's hands.

"Heero, thank you!" he replied, feeling the soft plush and tapping the hard eyes. "It's so cute!... I think."

"And you have another visitor."

"Hmm?"

The former Wing pilot exited the room, then reentered gripping the good arm of an upset looking braided boy. When Duo saw Quatre, head all wrapped in bandages, a wetness coated his eyes, leaking only slightly.

"Qua... Quatre..."

"Duo?"

"Quatre! You're alive!" He ran to the bed and threw an arm around the other, causing them both to groan in pain, but neither one let go. "I was so worried about you. Are you hurt bad? Can you walk? What's wrong with your head?"

A smile crossed Quatre's soft lips, happy that his comrade had some of his strength back. "I'm ok, Duo. A little scratched up, but I'll survive."

"I..." Duo sniffled. "I'm sorry. I know what happened is all my fault."

"Duo...."

"Sometimes I can't contain myself, when I get excited about something... well, you know how I am. I hope you don't hate me."

The little blond shook his head sadly. "It isn't your fault. I was the one driving; I should have been paying more attention. I should have been more careful."

"But..."

"He said it isn't your fault," Heero spoke up from his place at the foot of the bed. "Just listen for once."

Quatre continued, "I'm the one who needs to say I'm sorry. And I am, very." He rubbed what he was sure was Duo's arm and smiled. "And furthermore, I don't hate you. I could never hate you. You get on my nerves sometimes and occasionally I wish you'd stay still, but I'll always love you. You're my best friend...."

The wetness that coated violet eyes began to run down the braided one's cheeks, and he sniffled audibly. He opened his mouth to speak, but all that came out was a sob. Burying his face in Quatre's shoulder, he released all his anxieties in the form of a cleansing cry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A week later, the group again gathered around the hospital bed. Quatre had most of his strength back, and his wounds were healing nicely. The doctor said the cut on his face should have partially healed by now, and it was probably safe to remove the bandage; might actually be best for the wound to get some air. The little blond was excited about getting the gauze off his head, as it was getting itchy and he couldn't wait to wash and comb his hair. Of course, most importantly, he wanted to be able to see everyone, one person in particular.

Trowa stood next to the bed, holding Quatre's hand supportively; Duo sat on the edge of the chair next to the bed, impatient enough for all of them, and Heero stood behind him. Wufei was also there for his friend, leaning against the wall across from the bed. It was a lot of people to fit into a small room, but they each insisted on being there, and no one dared to tell them to do differently.

When the doctor returned everyone looked up at him; Quatre only because he heard dress shoes on the tile floor. "Ready to get that off?"

"Mm-hmm," the patient nodded vigorously, with a happy smile on his face.

"Alright then." He carefully snipped the end of the gauze, then slowly began to unwrap it from around the blond head. More and more of the soft face was revealed with every pass until, finally, all the bandages were removed. Quatre's crystal blue eyes stared straight forward, waiting for the doctor to do or say something. The large cut was scabbed over, almost healed, and there were no signs of scarring. "Looks good," the doctor commented confidently. "It should be completely healed in another week or two."

The ex-Gundam pilot smiled pleasantly, glad to hear such good news. Not that he was vain or conceited in any way, but he wanted to be perfect for Trowa. "Great," he replied, still staring straight ahead. "I can't wait to see. Please, continue with the bandages."

"I beg your pardon?"

"The bandages. Is it ok for them to come all the way off?"

Everyone in the room looked at each other, confusion and concern written across their faces. Maybe in his excitement he didn't notice? "Quatre, the bandages are off," Trowa said quietly.

The Winner heir's smile faltered a bit, but was quickly tacked back on to place. "No, really. If they were off I could see, right? So, please, hurry and uncover my eyes."

"Quatre-"

"Hurry up! This isn't funny!" he shouted, the smile gone now. Quietly, and somewhat fearfully, he added, "please...." Silently, he waited for someone to start laughing, saying it was just a joke; he prayed for it to be one of Duo's pranks, and promised himself he wouldn't get mad. But something told him it wasn't a joke. His Space Heart didn't feel any mirth coming from the others in the room, and it was confirmed when he felt Trowa's fingers running lightly down his face. The bandages were off, his eyes were open, the lights were on; there was no excuse. Quatre Raberba Winner was blind.

"I... I can't see! Trowa! I can't see you!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He felt like he was falling, then awoke with a start. _'A dream?' _Slowly Quatre sat up and looked around, seeing nothing. Literally. Almost instantly the useless eyes filled with tears. _'Why is this happening?'_

Never before had he relied so much upon his sense of touch, but now found himself carefully feeling around the large bed as he wept softly. It didn't help any that the bed was empty of a comforting body.

"Trowa!?" he cried out through his sobs. "Trowa, where are you!?"

"Shh...Little One...." Strong arms wrapped around Quatre's small body, holding him tightly. "I'm right here."

For a few moments he just cried, clutching Trowa's soft shirt in one hand and burying his face into his lover's chest. When the sobs softened he sat quietly, then said in a whisper "I'm scared...."

"Scared? The great Sandrock pilot is scared?"

"Trowa...."

"Don't worry, Quatre. I'll take care of you. I'll hold you and protect you; the others will too. You'll see, everything will be all right."

The sniffling young man shook his head. Despite his life partner's comforting words, he didn't feel the least bit better. "But what about my work? What about my family's businesses? They're my responsibility, and I can't even read the paperwork. There's no way I'm going to have you, or anyone else, read all that to me. And what about the Terraformation Project? And the construction of the new resource satellites? What about the Preventers? And.."

"Hey, hey, calm down. All this worrying and you haven't even had breakfast yet." He scooped the little blond up in his arms, intending to show him just how good a caretaker he could be. "You need to eat and get stronger."

"But, Trowa...."

"No, no 'but Trowas'. The only thing you need to worry about right now is whether you want Corn Flakes or Fruity Pebbles."

"But..."

"Fruity Pebbles it is."

Quatre let his head fall against the strong shoulder, realizing there was no use arguing. Though he suspected the other's unusual optimism was somewhat false, it made him feel that maybe, just maybe, everything would be ok. And Trowa was cute when he was trying to be cheerful. "...I can walk you know. My legs are fine."

"Nope."

Cute and stubborn. Quatre sighed and let himself be carried.

When they arrived at the breakfast table the others were there waiting for them. Not that Quatre could tell, but they all made it a point to call out "good morning" so he'd know who was around. They'd all promised each other to help out in any way possible, going so far as to temporarily move into the Winner mansion so they'd be on hand at all times. Anything they could do to make their friend more comfortable and happy in this hard time.

Trowa sat his bundle on a chair at the table and left to get him his favorite cereal. As he sat with his friends there were rounds of "how are you?" and "I'm fine," as well as a brief moment of Duo sniffling and Heero wiping away the braided boy's tear. Quatre would've giggled had he seen it.

As he sat patiently, the former pilot suddenly felt strong hands on his face, rubbing his not-completely-healed cut. He made a little "nnh" sound as he reflexively tried to pull away.

"Stay still," Wufei said as he put a hand on the back of the blond head. "This ointment will help your cut heal. It's an old family solution."

"It stings a little." Even so, Quatre remained as still as possible. After the medicine was applied, he heard a bowl being placed on the table in front of him and a chair being pulled next to his. It was amazing how much he heard now that he'd lost his sense of vision. Little sounds that he'd never paid much attention to before were now relied upon to tell him what was happening in his surroundings.

"Open up."

"Huh?"

"Your mouth, open it. So I can feed you."

Quatre gave a sad little smile. "I can feed myself."

"But I-"

"No! I'm not helpless!" He reached out, grabbing at where he thought the spoon would be, but only swiping at air. "Give me the spoon." Reluctantly, Trowa handed the utensil over, placing it in the other's small hand.

Finding the cereal bowl with his other hand, Quatre carefully scooped up some of the brightly colored breakfast food and attempted to eat, missing his mouth at first. Eventually he got the hang of it, finding the bowl with his free hand, then guiding the spoon to his mouth. Never before had he needed to use two hands to eat Fruity Pebbles, but for now this would have to do.

Had he been able to see, he would have noticed the hurt look in the green eyes of the youth next to him.

When the meal was finished he took his bowl and began to stand up. Trowa reached out, trying to be useful, to take the bowl from him. "Here, let me."

"No," Quatre stopped him, "I want to do it myself." With the bowl in one hand and the other out in front of him, he carefully felt his way around, looking for the kitchen. He knew the layout of the house, but had never paid much attention to it before. He'd always taken advantage that he could just look to find his way; now he had to surface an image of where he wanted to go in his mind.

The others sat by, quietly watching the scenario. "Trowa," Heero began, not missing the pain deep in the green eyes, "I know you want to help him, but right now he's feeling very vulnerable. He doesn't want to feel helpless."

"I know. I just-" ::CRASH!:: He didn't finish his sentence. Before the loud shattering sound was even over with, he was out of his chair and running towards the kitchen, the others close behind. "Quatre!?"

The blond was sprawled out on the kitchen floor, an overturned stool nearby. The empty bowl he'd been carrying was in pieces; shattered upon hitting the hard floor. "Itai... I- I'm ok. I just fell." He began to stand up; Trowa rushed to his side to help.

"Careful, there's broken pieces all over the floor."

"Ah, I have to clean it up."

"No worries, Q. I'll take care of it," Duo offered, already bending to pick up the sharp slivers of ceramic. It hurt him to see his friend looking about to cry, so he gladly disregarded his own pain to help out.

"Come on," Trowa took Quatre by the shoulders and began to lead him away. "I'll help you take a bath.... Or do you want to do that on your own too?"

"No, you can help me with that all you want," was the blushing reply.

Everyone, even Heero, smiled at that. It was good to know some things stayed the same.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wrapped in a big, fluffy towel, Quatre sat on the bed, listening as Trowa moved throughout the room. He heard the closet door open, and giggled when his koibito commented on the abundance of pink shirts. He caught the sound of hangers clanging together, then a moment of silence before cloth was draped over his head.

"Here, put this on."

"What is it?" He pulled the material off his head and attempted to distinguish what the chosen outfit was by feeling it.

"The usual."

"Ah..." For a moment he simply held the clothes, noticing for the first time how soft the expensive cloth was. Then, as if on impulse, he reached out to where Trowa was; his hand encountered smooth bare skin and a strong leg. "Not fair... you're mean."

"Hmm?"

"Wandering around naked when I can't see you."

Trowa laughed - yes, actually laughed! - at that, then took the clothing and began to dress his little lover... who refused.

"I can do it myself," he insisted.

"But I... Fine." He watched as Quatre attempted to dress himself. At first the boxers were put on backwards, but that was easily corrected, and the pants went on without much problem. The shirt was another story. "It's backwards," Trowa corrected. "Inside-out.... That's the arm hole.... Upside-down.... Why don't you let me-"

"No!" He was frustrated now. "I'm not a baby."

"How can I be helpful if you do everything on your own?"

"How can I learn to do things for myself if you do everything for me!?"

"If you don't want my help then why don't you just say so?"

With his eyebrows knit together and a frown on his lips, Quatre carefully slid off the bed, and running his hands along the furniture as far as he could to make sure he was going in the right direction, he made his way to the door.

"Quatre...."

Keeping his hand on the doorknob, the quite-upset young man turned to face the other. "I don't want your help!" With that he opened the door and walked out, right past Wufei, who he didn't see, and slammed the door shut behind him. With his hands out in front, shirt still gripped in one fist, he made his way down the hall, away from the room.

The Chinese youth was about to knock on the door, when it burst open.

"Quatre!" No response.... Trowa looked down to see ebony eyes wide as saucers; this is when he noticed he still didn't have any clothes on. "Damn it." The door slammed shut again.

The only movement in the hallway was the thin trickle of blood escaping Wufei's nose....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several days went by with the happy couple... not so happy. They didn't speak to one another much, if at all; the first night after their 'little fight' Trowa tried talking to Quatre in bed, but only got a snore in response. He couldn't tell if it was real or fake, and since then he'd been staying in one of the guest bedrooms on the other side of the house, where he spent most of his time.

He was lost, confused, and a little hurt. All he wanted to do was _everything_; anything and everything that would make the object of his affection's life easier. He wanted to baby him and be by his side. Why should his lover have to worry about tripping over stools or furniture when he could just carry him? Why get all upset and frustrated about getting dressed when he could clothe him? He didn't understand why the other wouldn't let him help. Why wouldn't he let him?

Quatre too was lost, only literally. He knew it was a big house, and even when he could see he occasionally found himself turned around. But this was ridiculous! More than once he'd end up wandering the halls of the mansion with no clue as to where he was, and each time Duo or Heero showed up to lead him in the right direction. But this time no one had come to his rescue, and he was fighting the urge to cry for help.

Staring out the large window in the bedroom, Trowa caught the sound of a hand running along the ridged wallpaper and turned to face it. His heart fell when he saw Quatre slowly making his way down the hall. _'What's he doing on this side of the house?'_ At first, instinct told him to go to the other boy, to scoop him up and carry him away, but he stopped himself. _'No'_, he shook his head and looked back out the window. _'He doesn't want me... my help.'_

His hand encountered a table and, feeling around, he found upon it a rare, one-of-a-kind vase that his father had owned. _'This is...'_ Finding this article told him his whereabouts, and just in time. _'That means a few feet further is the staircase.'_ He made sure to tap his foot a few paces in front of him, looking for the first step that headed down. Finding it, he descended carefully, but when he thought he'd reached the end a strange floating sensation came over him. Then he hit the ground....

There was a sudden 'thud', and Trowa forgot all thoughts of leaving his love alone. In the blink of an eye he was out of the room and heading down the stairs. "Quatre!" He took the steps two at a time, getting to the fallen boy as fast as he could. "Quatre! Are you alright?" He sat next to the blond and pulled him into his arms.

"Trowa?"

"Hai, it's me. What happened?" He gently rocked the other as he held him tightly, wishing to never let go.

"I fell. I think I miscounted."

"Miscounted?"

Quatre nodded, "I've memorized how many steps are in each staircase in the house, that's how I know when I'm at the end. This one has nineteen, but I think I miscounted on my way down."

Trowa silently counted the steps; sure enough, there were nineteen. He smiled slightly. "You're pretty smart, aren't you?"

A smile, a _real_ smile, crossed Quatre's lips. "I thought you knew that," he giggled.

The taller boy's smile widened, then a look of realization came over his face and he remembered Heero's words ("He doesn't want to feel helpless"). _'He's not helpless... of course.'_ He straightened his lover up, facing him, and looked into his still beautiful blue eyes; though the other couldn't look back, it made for good effect. "My Little One... I understand now."

"Huh?"

"I understand now, and I'm sorry. You're not a baby and you're not helpless. I've figured out how to be useful; I want to help you help yourself."

"Trowa... you do understand!" He moved to throw his arms around his lover, but accidentaly knocked him in the jaw instead. "Ah! Gomen!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the weeks went by, everyone noticed a change in the sightless young man. His smile was brighter and more real than it had been for a while. His slow, careful pace quickened as he learned to move about, memorizing how many steps it took to get from one place to another, and the temperature differences in each part of the large house. He didn't get lost (as often) and was quite fond of taking walks around the garden, where he could smell the fragrant flowers and feel the warm sun and soft wind on his skin.

On one such journey he accidently walked into someone, or rather, two someones, who were standing awfully close together. As Duo sputtered some excuses ("See, see... I fainted - oh it's so hot - and he was giving me CPR... Yeah, yeah!... Of course people can faint standing up...") and Heero just gave his usual "hn," Quatre laughed, saying he didn't _see_ anything. He whistled as he continued on his way.

He learned to dress himself, to check for tags and seams and other hints of what position the articles were in. Although, once he started feeling more independent, he occasionally let Trowa dress him. They found a way to mark the clothing, putting a certain amount of safety-pins in certain positions, so he could tell just what he was putting on. "I wouldn't want to end up putting on some weird green clown pants and blue checkered shirt or something crazy like that," he joked.

Trowa helped and supported his lover, staying by his side when he was needed and wanted, but also giving the other free space and backing off when he wanted to do things on his own. He didn't carry him, but held his hand instead.

He'd moved back into Quatre's room, and the couple'd even shared several intimate moments; it was almost like a new experience, but at the same time wonderfully familiar. The green-eyed young man relished in being able to make love with the lights on; he liked to look down and see his beautiful koibito full of passion and writhing in pleasure. Normally Quatre would feel shy, but now he couldn't tell one way or another, and Trowa didn't feel it necessary to inform him that he was in full view.

Things were looking up, and everyone was, for the most part, happy. Which is why it surprised Trowa when he one day caught the soft sound of Quatre crying. He followed the sobs until he found his little love in the art room, sitting in front of the painting he'd been working on. He put his arms around his lover, startling him, and buried his face in the soft blond hair. "What's wrong, Little One?"

"Trowa... I...." He scrubbed at his tearstained cheeks with the back of his hand. "I won't be able to finish it. The painting...."

"Is that what this is about? Quatre, it's not important...."

"It is to me!" Another sob choked out. "But...." Sniffle. "But it's more than that. I want to see you. I want to see your face and look into your eyes. I miss you...."

"I'm right here."

"Yeah, but that's different! I miss seeing your face...."

Trowa smiled softly and stepped back. "Stay right here. I'll be right back."

Quatre sat quietly, sniffling every now and then and wiping a few tears. After a few moments he felt his lover take his hand and place an oddly shaped item in his palm. Taking it in both hands, he felt the familliar shape; he knew what it was. "My violin! But, Trowa...?"

"You always play with your eyes closed anyway."

After a moments hesitation, he positioned the instrument, then held out his opposite hand expectantly. Without having to be asked, Trowa gently handed him the bow. Though it didn't make a difference, the crystal blue eyes slid shut as his arm raised.

The bow was drawn across the strings and the beautiful notes of a familiar song began. A song that the couple wrote together, without any kind of sheet music, and that neither would ever forget. On cue, as expected, the soft sound of a flute joined the concert; the two made the most beautiful music together.

When the song finished, Quatre slowly lowered his violin, looking thoughtful. Trowa stared quietly at him, waiting for the young man to speak.

"Trowa... you're right. The painting doesn't matter; you're here with me. You've always been with me. I may not be able to see you, but I can feel you. I always have."

The instrument was gently taken from his hands, and he felt those strong arms underneath him. He was lifted and held tightly to his lover's broad chest. "Trowa?"

"Come with me, Little One."

"Where to?"

"Bed."

That night the former pilot showed his little love just how right he was; that he _was_ always with him. Maybe not physically, but their souls were always as one; from the very fist time they played their duet, until the very last, and beyond.

He stimulated his partner's sense of touch in every way. Their passion was greater than ever before, and the sounds of their lovemaking filled the entire house. For once, Quatre didn't mind having to find everything with his hands; he liked searching his lover's body, brushing up against this and that. It added to the excitement and passion....

Wufei pulled the covers over his head, preparing for a sleepless night. "Oh sure, he's feeling better so _I_ have to suffer...."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When a weight settled on the bed next to him, Quatre slowly awoke; the aroma of perfectly cooked bacon and eggs filled his sense of smell. He rolled over and moaned, feeling a little sore, then sat up.

"Time to get up, Little One. You get breakfast in bed today."

"'Rowa...?" He rubbed the sleep from his eyes then blinked, trying to wake up. When the blue opened he saw only darkness, which he was pretty used to by now. What he wasn't used to was the way the black suddenly focused into a dark grey, and shadowed objects were noticeable. His hands flew to his face so fast that he accidently knocked over the tray resting on the bed, dumping the breakfast foods all over the heavy covers and floor. "Trowa! I can see!"

"What!? You can!?" The other's green eyes were wide with shock, and he was almost as excited as his koibito.

"Well, no, not really. But I can faintly see shadows." Slowly he reached out and touched the slim face next to him, cupping the chin when contact was made. "You're right here."

Trowa clutched the hand that caressed his face, holding it tightly, but not so much to hurt. "Maybe it was only temporary. Come on, we have to call the doctor."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several days later, four young men and forty large Arabian men crowded the hospital waiting room. But, despite all the people, the room was strangely silent; everyone was lost in their own thoughts. When the doors opened and the doctor entered he was instantly surrounded by the group. At the same time, everyone was asking "well, how is Master Quatre?" "Did everything go ok?" "Where is he?" The only ones who didn't attack the poor man was the former Gundam pilots.

The doctor held a hand up to quiet the crowd. "He's fine. The operation went well, but we won't know if it worked for a few days. We need to give his eyes time to heal, then we'll see."

"Can we see him!?"

"Mr. Winner is resting right now, but the effects of the anesthesia should wear off shortly. I can allow one of you to go in."

Simultaneously, everyone turned around and looked at Trowa, who slowly looked up and nodded. He moved to follow the doctor, but was first stopped by a hand on his shoulder. Duo's violet eyes glistened as he gave a small smile, "give him our love." Looking behind the braided boy, he saw the other two nod in agreement.

He was led to the small room that contained his Quatre, and was left to see him alone. Entering the room, he stayed as quiet as possible, so as not to disturb the sleeping patient, and went over to the side of the bed. There was a little stool waiting for him to sit upon. And then, he simply looked.

His angel slept quietly, his head again wrapped in bandages. In a few days those bandages would again be removed and, hopefully, he'd be able to see again.

Gently, Trowa took his life partner's pale hand and pressed his lips to the back of it, cherishing his beautiful koibito. Then he softly rubbed his cheek to it, as a cat would rub against it's beloved owner. Though things had gotten better, the whole ordeal had been hard for everyone. He prayed with all his heart, something he'd never done before, that it could all come to a close. "Quatre..." he whispered, and again kissed the slim fingers; "I'm so sorry you had to go through this."

A hand rested on his head, and he looked up to see a smile on his lover's face. "It'll be alright. Even if the operation didn't work, you'll still be there for me, ne? As long as I have you, everything is ok."

"How are you feeling?"

Quatre sighed, with a hint of a smile. "The bandages are on my head again."

"Not for long."

"Aa...."

"Quatre... if this didn't work-"

He was silenced by a hand pressing against his nose - which had been aimed for his lips. The blond head shook slowly; "no, let's not think that. I wouldn't want to curse everything," he smiled.

"What if you don't like me anymore?"

"Hmm?"

"Well," he started, "you haven't seen me in a while. What if I look different?"

Quatre was confused. "Do you?"

"No," Trowa smiled.

"...You're weird."

Still in the waiting room, Duo heard an unusual sound; something he couldn't recall ever hearing before. "Is that... is that Trowa laughing!?"

Heero smirked, "baka." He gripped the chestnut braid and gave a gentle tug. "We're not needed here. Let's go."

"But I wanna see Q."

"You can see him tomorrow."

"But I- owowowow! Ok, ok. I'm coming."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It seemed to take forever, but soon the day came that would end the darkness, providing everything went ok. Once again, everyone crowded in a small room, anxious for the results.

When the doctor entered the room he looked around and shook his head. "Woah... deja vu." Quatre and Duo smiled; Wufei raised an eyebrow; Heero and Trowa... didn't give any reaction. Clearing his throat, the doctor stepped up to the bed and began the bandage unwrapping process, just as he had almost two and a half months before.

Finally all the gauze was removed, and Quatre blinked several times. His gaze was fixated straight ahead, causing everyone to worry, but then the blue eyes slowly began to move from one part of the room to another. No expression crossed his face as he looked around, though moisture did coat his eyes as they passed over each of his friends. Then his gaze came to rest on Trowa, and the tears began to fall.

"What is it, Little One? What do you see?"

"I see..." he choked back a sob, "I see the most beautiful thing in the world." As he clutched his love in a tight embrace, all the hardship, frustration, and hurt of the past few months, as well as the extreme final relief, came out in the form of tears. Then the embrace became a group hug as Duo jumped in, pulling Heero and Wufei along with him.

When the doctor gave a cough for attention, everyone let go and turned to him. "Your vision may be fuzzy for a while." Quatre nodded, as that was the next thing he was going to mention. "I'll call and prescribe some drops for you to use. Come back in a week or so for a check up." He smiled at the young Winner heir, "congratulations."

"Thank you, thank you so much. I... I don't know how to show just how much I appreciate all you've done for me."

The doctor smiled and winked. "Wait until you get my bill." With that, he left.

Trowa cupped his koibito's chin in his hand and looked into his eyes. There was a gentle smile on his face and the blond's heart swelled at being able to actually see it. "We have a present for you."

"You do?"

"Oh yeah!" Duo jumped up and was out the door in a flash. Quatre smiled at how peppy the braided one was since he got the cast off; as though he had to make up for the time spent with restricted movement.

"I took the liberty of finishing your painting. I hope that doesn't bother you." Quatre shook his head, and Trowa continued, "it felt a bit odd to paint myself, but Duo came up with... an unusual idea."

Quatre's eyes widened, slightly afraid of what the manic young man could come up with. When his friend returned, carrying a framed canvas, he was more than a little worried. But when the painting was turned and shown to him, his smile got brighter and brighter.

The picture had been finished, and more. The original part was there, a portrait of Trowa looking absolutely stunning, with a slight smile on the painted face, but much more had been added. Each of the ex-pilots had painted themselves in. Wufei was in there, drawn in the Chinese style, looking strong and masculine; Heero was painted, in a sitting position, with the precision and perfection he was known for, and a somewhat childish looking Duo was drawn next to him, holding out a daisy. And there, in the center of the painting, Quatre saw himself. Drawn in a combination of all the art styles, he knew each of his best friends had worked on this... for him.

"It's wonderful! Thanks you guys... I don't know what to say...."

There was a moment of silence before.... "Group hug!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

October 31, A.C. 199

Dear Journal....

Happy Halloween!

Well, I don't really know what it's all about, but Duo insisted we celebrate this holiday from his colony. Everyone is supposed to dress up and beg for treats; if we don't get treats we have to play tricks. It sounds like a lot of fun, and everyone looks really cute in their costumes.

Wufei, after much fighting about the whole situation, gave in and dressed as a dragon. I think he was trying to be intimidating, but he looks too adorable with that tail and those little wings. And Heero as a pirate! Wow, looking good! Duo, go figure, just _had_ to be Death; an excuse to once again wield a scythe. And Trowa... ah, my beautiful Trowa... he's absolutely gorgeous in that suit and cape, and those little vampire fangs are... rather exciting. ^_^ I think I'll have him wear them tonight.

I myself, by Trowa's suggestion, am dressed as an angel. He said it was appropriate, though I don't understand why. But as long as he likes it, I don't care.

Seeing everyone smile, even Heero and Wufei (though they try to hide it), makes my heart warm. With all that's happened to us, the times that we can sit back and have fun are so precious. And... to be able to actually see those smiles, to _see_ the joy on everyone's faces....

I'm very happy to be alive today.

Eek! Gotta go now! In Duo's hands, twenty rolls of toilet paper and a map to Miss Relena's house can't be a good thing!

-Quatre Raberba Winner

~~~~THE END~~~~


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